For National Cheeseburger Day, I give you my half of the 2013 poem that myself and Joy Young brought to the semi-finals, “It’s Golden (Training Day)”
It’s Golden (Training Day)
Everyone thinks that the Clown is in charge.
His grease paint and ability to pull golden arches out of the air
are just a little show for the cameras.
I am the power behind the throne.
An all-beef patty, special sauce, the Royale…
They call me the Mayor
but you can call me McCheese.
In McDonaldland nothing gets done without my say-so.
You want some sesame seeds on that bun?
Good luck without a permit.
Want to know when the McRib is gonna be back?
Well, I’ve got the stopwatch that starts on “limited time”
and ends on “when I say so, motherfucker”.
If you want to Super Size that –
Well, you just let me know – I got a guy.
But it ain’t all dance parties with Mac and Me.
I hear the people talking about how they are the 99 Percent Value Meals
’bout wow I own this town and don’t give anything back to the community
They think this top hat and sash come cheap?
Just because I know the value of a dollar
doesn’t mean I’m gotta start handing out gift certificates
like it’s the last night of Hanukah.
I’ve got mine, you can’t have it.
If you don’t like that, get back to your McJob behind the fryer,
Tell it to your McNugget Buddies that you’re gonna serve up with dipping sauce.
This is McDonald’s, baby.
Everyone here is made of food.
The Fry Guys,
I think even Grimace bleeds some sort of grape drink
There is no liberation.
It’s eat or be eaten,
if you think the Hamburgular is some sort of Robin Hood
stealing the burgers away to some sort of Happy Meal…
Well, I got an army of Big Macs
that put his McAss in McJail
and he’s never coming out.
Not unless starts bringing back the cheddar for Mayor McCheese
So shut the fuck up.
The only color that matters here is Shamrock Shake green
and if you want to talk about “the people”…
everyone walking in green fields singing and holding hands?
Well have a Coke and a smile,
Then get back to work
hope we don’t cut your hours for getting out of line –
because this is McDonaldland
where cash is the Burger King.
That shit’s so good,