Your Mailbox: Paper AND Plastic – National Oceans Month, Part 3

“…the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There’s never a let up – it’s relentless!  Every day it piles up more and more and more!  You gotta get it out, but then more you get it out, the more it keeps coming in!” – Newman, “Seinfeld”

Confession: I love the U.S. Postal Service.  There is no other service in the world like it.  You want to mail a letter from Nome, Alaska to Supai, Arizona? We’ve got snowmachines and a mule train ready to go and that’ll be $0.49, sir!  Forty-nine cents! You can’t buy a can of soda for that.  Plus…  have you seen these?


SHARK STAMPS.  I’ve got like 20 sheets of these – and since they are Forever stamps, it’s unlikely that I will EVER run out, barring an apocalypse of some kind, and even  then, we’ve got someone to handle the mail.
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Protect the Ocean at #PhoenixComicFest!

Not the ocean.

Hey Nerds!  It’s about to go down: Phoenix Comicon Comic Fest,  the most massive Comicon Comic Fest in the American West (seriously, SDCC, be cool and give us back our name).  I hope you all have a good time, but I’m also hoping you do so in a way that protects the ocean.  Now, you might be saying: “Hey, idiot.  We’re in the desert.  I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be harming the ocean in the middle of goddamn downtown Phoenix.”

To quote Troy McClure: “You’ve got some attitude, Mister.  And what’s more, you’re wrong! There’s a lot of ways that what you’re doing is harming the ocean, right now!    So stop it.

But while at the convention center, let me give you a few tips on what you can do to stay Blue while grokking out with Spock (or whatever the hell it is you kids do these days).
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Poem: The Consequence of Technology Unchecked.

SHARKNADO 5: GLOBAL SWARMING — Season:2017 — Pictured: (l-r) Tara Reid as April Shepard, Ian Ziering as Fin Shepard, Cassie Scerbo as Nova Clarke — (Photo by: James Dimmock/Syfy)

Here’s a poem from “Chumming the Waters” (available in my new shop!) that touches on the themes which seem to be dominating the week, which include anthropogenic climate change (and our government’s steadfast refusal to acknowlege it), devastating storms, and as always, sharks.

I give you The Consequence of Technology Unchecked!
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Let’s Talk Tuna – Eating Responsibly Without Harming Our Ocean Friends (except the tuna, of course) – Part II (Sushi Edition).

I love sushi.  Spider rolls, seared escolar, ebi, shrimp tempura rolls, etc.   I’ve never been a fan of raw tuna or salmon, not because of the taste, or the idea of raw fish, but the texture of raw tuna and salmon leaves me cold.  Crustaceans  are my jam, which, if I were a shark, would put me in order Orectolobiformes, the carpet shark family. Easy access to crabs, lobster, clams (mollusks are pretty tasty too).  However, as I point out in a post back in February (Fry’s Food Stores and the High Cost of Shrimp), you’re not just eating crustaceans when you order your plate of coconut shrimp or tempura roll, you’re laying waste to the marine environment.

Come at me bro.

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Sharks vs. Trumps: Big Game

Every day, I scour the internet for news about sharks. When I do this, I will inevitably find something that makes my blood boil, but some of it’s led to positive action (I helped start an investigation that I found out later led to the charter boat Phoenix get fined for illegally taking a hammerhead), and I’m proud of that.  When you add the Trumps to the equation, well, things are going to get heated.

Dramatic Re-Enactment

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No, There Are No Great Whites in St. Louis

One of the things for being the preeminent (because I think I’m the only) shark conservationist on poetry slam’s national stage, are lots of wall posts from my friends about shark stuff.  And don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of them. Silly shark memes? Love it.  Videos of sharks doing awesome stuff? Love it.  News stories about sharks? Love it…  but…

Oh boy, here we go… Also, Mark Cuban is not a literal shark.

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Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Shark!

Last night I attended Mahiki Invasion at UnderTow, Phoenix’s new tiki bar that is attempting to resurrect classic tiki bar culture.  It was pretty damn great.  And not just because they started plying us with rum as soon as we entered the door (the three drinks were the Mahiki Bar London’s take on the classic Don the Beachcomber cocktails “Missionary’s Downfall”, “Navy Grog”, and something served in a coconut).  There are a lot worse ways to spend a Thursday night.

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